What the hell is going on in my life

To answer this question is impossible. I really don't know.
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Today........was a bad day, one of the few bad days I’ve ever had in my life, usually I'll say it was bad but really I don't mean it. But today was different, you know how you feel when your split between the LI and FE in life? Just in the middle of everything? When nothing goes your way, there’s no end in sight, and you can't see the beginning anymore, there’s no way out, and it dawns upon you. Your trapped, you can't get out, nothing is there. No ladder, no hope, trapped under the weight of life? Yes, that might just be how I'm feeling.
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To give you an idea this is what I think right now..
I don't know what I am, where i am, what I'm here for, what I'm supposed to do, will I ever? probably not.....and you know what...............that's just fine with me
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I feel like the train has left without me and there’s no way back home. Now I'm on my own, no comforts and only pains. Riding the roller coaster of life I guess. But right now I'm on the drop, and I can't see the end. Maybe it's a big drop, maybe my mind is just to clouded to see. I don't know, this is where it ends and all begins.
-Derrick-